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COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

A team member has been underperforming for several weeks. The pattern is clear, you have noticed it, and you know addressing it is your responsibility. The most honest version of when you typically have that conversation is:

When it becomes impossible not to — when the underperformance is visible enough that not addressing it would be conspicuous After you have gathered enough evidence — you want to be certain of the pattern before you name it After a formal trigger — you prefer to have performance conversations within a structured process rather than informally Early and specifically — you address it as soon as the pattern is clear, naming what you see precisely so the person can respond to something concrete

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you have a difficult conversation — one where you need to tell someone something they do not want to hear — the most honest version of how clearly the message lands is:

It reliably lands — you have learned to separate your discomfort at delivering the message from the person's need to receive it clearly, and the message that arrives is as clear as the one you sent It sometimes does not land — the clarity of the message depends on how the conversation develops, and in difficult conditions the message gets softer than you intended It often does not land as clearly as you intended — the person typically leaves with a softer version of what you were trying to say D It generally lands — people usually leave your difficult conversations with a clear understanding of what you said, even when they did not want to hear it 3

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you think about the difficult conversations you have delayed — the ones you knew needed to happen and that you did not have when they first needed to be had — the most honest account of what those delays have cost is:

Less than I feared — the conversations I avoided were often less necessary than they seemed, and many problems resolved without them Hard to measure — I tend not to track what conversations I did not have, which makes assessing their cost difficult More than I have fully accounted for — the cumulative cost of conversations had late is higher than the cost of the conversations I eventually had Moderate — some delays produced real costs and others resolved without significant consequence

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

You have been observing a pattern of behaviour in a team member that is not yet serious enough to require formal action but that is affecting their effectiveness and the team's experience of working with them. The person has not raised it. Your most honest approach is:

You address it in the next scheduled review — you prefer to have performance-related conversations in a structured context rather than informally You create the conversation — you initiate a specific conversation about what you are observing, without waiting for the person to raise it or for a natural opportunity to present itself You wait for a natural opening — you want to address it in a context that does not feel confrontational You raise it the next time you notice it — you use the next incident as the occasion to name the pattern rather than initiating a standalone conversation

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

You believe that the most important quality in a difficult conversation is empathy — that the leader who is most genuinely attuned to the other person's experience, most careful about their emotional state, and most considerate of the impact of what is being said will have the most productive difficult conversations. You:

Know that empathy is a necessary quality in difficult conversations and not the primary determinant of whether the conversation achieves what it needs to achieve — which is delivering the message the person needs to receive clearly enough that they can act on it Consider this essentially right — difficult conversations calibrated to the other person's emotional state consistently produce better outcomes than those delivered without genuine attunement Know this is important and that it can become a reason for softening the message more than the person's needs require — the empathy that serves them best helps them receive a clear message, not one that makes the delivery feel better for the person delivering it Know this matters but is incomplete — the consideration of how the message lands can substitute for the clarity with which it is delivered, in ways the leader often does not notice because managing the other person's reaction feels like good leadership

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you think about the last significant difficult conversation you had — the one that was hardest to initiate and that you most wanted to avoid — the most honest account of when you had it relative to when it was first needed is:

Somewhat delayed — the conversation happened later than ideal, with some additional cost from the delay Significantly delayed — it happened much later than the situation required, and the delay had real consequences Reasonably timely — close enough to when it was needed that the delay was not a significant factor in the outcome Early — at or before the point when most leaders would have initiated it, because you have learned that the cost of early conversations is consistently lower than the cost of late ones

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you think about the difficult conversations you currently need to have but have not yet had — the ones on your list that remain undone — the most honest account of what is stopping you is:

The timing is not right — there are specific conditions you are genuinely waiting for before having these conversations Your own discomfort — you know the conversations need to happen and the primary thing preventing them is your aversion to the difficulty of having them A genuine question about whether they are needed — you are not sure the situation requires the conversation you have been contemplating The preparation — you want to be clearer on what you are going to say before you say it, and the preparation has been taking longer than you expected

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

You are in the middle of a difficult conversation. You have something specific and important to say — something the person needs to hear clearly — and you are watching yourself not quite say it. The clarity of what needs to be communicated is there in your mind. What is coming out of your mouth is a version of it that is softer, more hedged, or more qualified than the thing that needs to be said. You know this is happening. You can feel the gap between the clarity of your intention and the managed quality of your delivery. The most honest version of what you do with that recognition is:

Continue — the softened version is getting the message across well enough and the gap between intention and delivery is not as significant as it feels Adjust in a follow-up — you note the gap and plan to address it in a subsequent conversation or a written summary that is clearer than what you said in the room Adjust in the moment — you pause, and you say the thing you have been managing around: "I want to be more direct than I have been. What I am actually trying to say is this." Finish and reflect — you complete the conversation and spend time afterwards understanding what caused the gap so you can close it next time

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

You believe that the timing of a difficult conversation matters as much as the content — that the right conversation at the wrong moment can do more damage than a slightly softer version at a better moment, and that skilled leaders develop an intuitive sense of when conditions are right. You:

Know that timing matters and that it is one of the primary mechanisms by which difficult conversations are avoided — that most conversations deferred because the timing is not right are deferred for reasons that have more to do with the leader's discomfort than with the genuine conditions for a productive conversation Know this is partially right — some conversations genuinely benefit from specific conditions that are not always immediately available, and forcing a difficult conversation when the relationship is acutely strained can produce worse outcomes than a brief delay Consider this essentially right — leaders who develop timing judgment consistently have more productive difficult conversations than those who initiate them at the first available opportunity Know this is a real skill and also one of the most common rationalisations for avoidance — the leader who says the timing is not right is often the same leader who has been saying that for some time

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

You want to have a difficult conversation more effectively. The highest-leverage investment you can make is:

Preparing your content — the quality of difficult conversations improves significantly when the leader enters with a clear, well-examined account of what they need to communicate and why Getting better at reading the other person — the leaders who have the most productive difficult conversations are those most attuned to what the other person is experiencing Developing your emotional regulation — the primary cause of difficult conversations going poorly is the leader's own reactivity, which causes them to harden or soften the message in response to the other person's reaction Separating your discomfort from the other person's need — the single most common reason difficult conversations are softened beyond what the situation requires is that the leader is managing their own discomfort rather than delivering what the other person needs to receive

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

A team member is about to make a decision you believe is wrong — not catastrophically, but in a way that will cost time, quality, or relationships. They have not asked for your input. The most honest version of what you do is:

Say nothing — they have not asked and intervening unsolicited risks the relationship and their ownership of the decision Request a conversation before they decide — you tell them you have a perspective worth hearing before they commit and you share it clearly Raise it after the decision — you let them make it and then debrief, treating the outcome as a learning opportunity Hint at your concern — you ask questions that you hope will cause them to reconsider, without stating your actual view directly

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you think about a difficult conversation that went well — one where you felt genuinely good about how it was handled and the outcome it produced — the most honest account of what specifically made it effective is:

The other person received it well — it went well primarily because they were receptive, which made the delivery less costly than it could have been I was well prepared — I had thought carefully about what to say and that preparation meant the delivery was clearer than when I am less prepared Both things happened — I said what needed to be said clearly, and I engaged genuinely with the other person's response in a way that produced real understanding rather than just a message delivered 4 I said what needed to be said — the conversation was effective because I delivered the clear version of the message rather than the softened one, regardless of how it felt to do so

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you think about the conversations that are currently on your list — the ones you need to have that you have not yet had — the most honest version of the story you are telling yourself about why they have not happened is:

I am avoiding them — I know the story I am telling myself about timing or preparation is partly a rationalisation, and the honest version is that I am managing my own discomfort I am working toward them — I am aware that the cost of having them is lower than the cost of not having them, and I am genuinely closer to having them than I was recently 4 The timing is not right yet — there are specific conditions I am genuinely waiting for before these conversations happen I am still preparing — I want to be clearer on what I need to say before I say it

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

The most honest version of your relationship with difficult conversations — the account you would give to yourself, not in a performance review — is:

You avoid them more than you should — the conversations that most need to happen are the ones most systematically delayed, softened, or not had You have them as a practice — you have made peace with the discomfort of difficult conversations well enough that they happen when they need to happen, at the clarity they need to happen at, without the softening that serves your comfort at the expense of the other person's need You have them but soften them — you initiate the conversations that need to happen but the message arrives softer than you intended, often because managing the other person's reaction has become the priority You have them reasonably well — you initiate difficult conversations with reasonable promptness and the messages generally land with enough clarity to be acted on

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The emotional dimension of difficult conversations — managing your own discomfort without either hardening or softening the message, reading what the other person is experiencing without using it as a reason to soften the delivery, and staying present to what the conversation needs rather than to how it is going — is one of the primary determinants of difficult conversation quality. This quiz assesses the specific emotional intelligence dimensions most directly connected to your capacity to deliver difficult messages clearly.

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All Quizzes (23)