Emotional Intelligence

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COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

You are in a meeting where you feel significantly more reactive than usual — something in the dynamic or the content is activating a strong response in you that you are managing rather than expressing. How aware of this are you in the moment:

Aware but not clearly — you sense something is different about how you are operating without being able to name it specifically Clearly aware — you can identify the specific trigger, the specific emotion, and the specific way it is affecting your behaviour in real time Not particularly aware — you are focused on the content of the meeting and are not monitoring your own state Somewhat aware — you notice after the fact that something was activating you, though you were not tracking it precisely in the moment

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you receive feedback that is personally challenging — feedback about your behaviour, your impact, or something you did that you did not intend — your most honest internal response pattern is:

Defensive — your first instinct is to find the ways the feedback is inaccurate or unfair, before examining whether it is accurate Genuinely curious — you can receive challenging feedback without a significant defensive activation and examine it on its merits Visibly defensive — the defensive response shows up in the conversation in ways the other person can see Professionally managed — you respond appropriately but process significant discomfort privately that takes time to work through

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you are in a room where the dynamic is complicated — where there is tension between people, or where the stated conversation is not the real one — your ability to read what is actually happening is:

Generally accurate — you can usually sense what is underneath the surface conversation and factor it into how you respond Highly accurate — you read the emotional subtext of professional interactions reliably and your responses reflect that reading Limited — you focus primarily on the stated content of conversations and are often surprised by dynamics you did not pick up in the room Inconsistent — you read some rooms well and miss others, without always knowing the difference

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

You are leading a meeting that is not going as you intended — the room is resistant, the conversation is not producing the outcome you need, and your frustration is growing. The most honest version of how your frustration shows up in that room is:

It does not significantly show up — you manage it internally and it does not affect how you conduct the meeting You are aware of it and you name it if appropriate — "I am frustrated with where this conversation is going and I want to be transparent about that" It shows up in ways you are not fully tracking — you become more directive, more clipped, or less patient in ways the room notices but you do not It shows up and you are aware of it — you know the frustration is visible and you manage it imperfectly

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

The most emotionally intelligent response to a difficult situation is to manage your emotions so effectively that they do not affect your professional behaviour. Emotional control — the ability to remain consistently composed and professional regardless of your internal state — is the core EI leadership skill. You:

Consider this essentially right — consistent professional composure regardless of internal state is the most important EI capability for leaders Know that emotional control is necessary and that the most advanced EI involves something more than suppression: the ability to use your emotional information productively, to name your state when naming it is useful, and to be genuinely affected by difficult situations without being destabilised by them Think composure is the primary skill and that using emotional information is a more advanced capability that builds on it Have found that the leaders with the strongest emotional presence are not those who suppress most effectively but those who have the most accurate and fluid relationship with their own emotional state

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When a team member is visibly struggling — not performing well, appearing distracted or withdrawn — your instinct in terms of how to respond is:

Address the performance — you name the gap clearly and create the accountability conversation the situation requires Create space for what is underneath the performance — you check in on how the person is, not just on the work Give it time — people go through difficult periods and some things resolve without direct intervention Ask a direct question — something like "you seem like you are carrying something. Do you want to talk about what is going on?"

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

The most self-aware leaders are the ones who have done the most psychological work — who have been through therapy, who actively reflect on their emotional patterns, and who bring a deep understanding of their own psychology to their leadership. Self-awareness is developed through deliberate introspective work. You:

Consider this essentially right — psychological work and deliberate reflection are the primary mechanisms through which self-awareness develops Know that introspective work contributes and that the self-awareness that matters most in leadership is specific: the real-time accuracy of your read on your own state in the moment, not your general understanding of your psychological patterns. Leaders who have extensive self-knowledge but poor real-time awareness of how their state is affecting their behaviour in a given interaction have high insight and low operational self-awareness Think introspective work builds the foundation and that the real-time application is a distinct skill that develops separately Have found that the leaders with the highest real-time self-awareness are not always those with the most psychological depth — there is something about in-the-moment accuracy that is distinct from general self-knowledge

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

There is a version of your leadership behaviour under pressure — in the meetings that are not going well, in the conversations that are activating you, in the moments where the room is not giving you what you need — that the people around you have learned to read accurately even when you believe you are managing it well. The gap between how you think you are coming across in those moments and how you are actually coming across is:

Small — your self-read in high-activation moments is broadly accurate and the people around you experience what you intend Moderate — you manage it well enough that the gap is not disruptive, but people who know you well can read your state more accurately than you realise Significant — there is a meaningful difference between how you believe you are presenting in high-activation moments and what your team actually experiences Context-dependent — in some situations the gap is small and in others it is significant, and the difference is not always visible to you

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you leave a difficult meeting — one where the dynamic was complicated, the emotions in the room were significant, or the conversation did not go as intended — the accuracy with which you can describe what was actually happening for the other people in the room is:

High — you have a detailed and accurate read on the emotional experience of the other people in the room, not just the content of what they said Limited — you can describe what people said and did but your read on what was actually happening for them is less reliable Moderate — you can identify the broad emotional tone of the room and the obvious signals, but the more subtle dynamics are less reliably read Variable — your read on some people is accurate and your read on others consistently misses what is actually happening for them

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

Emotional intelligence can be assessed accurately through self-report — through a leader's honest reflection on their own emotional patterns, their typical responses to difficult situations, and their general level of self-awareness. A leader who reflects carefully and honestly will produce an accurate picture of their EI. You:

Consider this essentially right — careful, honest self-reflection is the most direct route to accurate self-assessment of emotional intelligence Know that self-reflection produces insight and that the most important EI capabilities cannot be accurately assessed through self-report alone, because they are defined by the accuracy of the self-assessment itself. A leader who rates themselves highly on self-awareness but has a significant gap between their self-read and how they are actually perceived has provided the most direct evidence of their low self-awareness. The only accurate assessment of EI includes how others experience the leader Think self-report is a useful starting point and that 360 feedback is the next layer of accuracy Have found that self-report EI assessments are most useful as a prompt for reflection rather than as an accurate measure of the actual capability

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you are leading a conversation where you need to give difficult feedback — feedback that will affect how the person feels about themselves, their work, or their standing — the most accurate description of how present you are to the person's emotional experience during the conversation is:

Fully present — you are tracking the person's emotional response in real time and adjusting your approach based on what you observe Primarily focused on delivering the message accurately — you monitor the person's response but the content takes priority Managing your own state more than theirs — the difficulty of the conversation for you takes up most of your attention Somewhat present — you notice significant shifts in the person's response but miss the subtler ones

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you think about the team members whose emotional experience you have the least accurate read on — whose actual state in meetings is most different from what you perceive — the most honest account of why is:

They are harder to read than most — their emotional presentation is more controlled or less legible than others on the team You have not invested in understanding them — your read on them is based on surface signals rather than genuine knowledge of how they operate They are newer to the team and you have not yet developed the calibration that comes from sustained exposure You read everyone fairly well — there are no significant gaps in your team reads that you are aware of

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

When you think about the feedback you have received about your emotional impact — how your state affects the people around you, how your reactions land, where you have a blind spot about how you come across — the most honest version of how you have acted on it is:

You have acted on it specifically and you have sought evidence that the change is visible to others You have thought about it carefully but the change in behaviour has been incremental rather than significant You have not received clear enough feedback on this dimension to know what specifically to address You have made the changes internally but are not sure whether the external impact has shifted in the way you intended

COMMUNICATION & PRESENCE

The most honest description of the gap between your current emotional intelligence and the emotional intelligence of the leaders you most admire is:

In self-awareness — they have a more accurate and more real-time read on their own state than you do In social intelligence — they read rooms and people more accurately and more fluidly than you do Small — your emotional intelligence is broadly at the level of the leaders you most want to be like In emotional regulation — they use their emotional information more productively and are less destabilised by their own reactions

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Share with your network

You are in a meeting where you feel significantly more reactive than usual — something in the dynamic or the content is activating a strong response in you that you are managing rather than expressing. How aware of this are you in the moment:

When you receive feedback that is personally challenging — feedback about your behaviour, your impact, or something you did that you did not intend — your most honest internal response pattern is:

When you are in a room where the dynamic is complicated — where there is tension between people, or where the stated conversation is not the real one — your ability to read what is actually happening is:

You are leading a meeting that is not going as you intended — the room is resistant, the conversation is not producing the outcome you need, and your frustration is growing. The most honest version of how your frustration shows up in that room is:

When a team member is visibly struggling — not performing well, appearing distracted or withdrawn — your instinct in terms of how to respond is:

When you leave a difficult meeting — one where the dynamic was complicated, the emotions in the room were significant, or the conversation did not go as intended — the accuracy with which you can describe what was actually happening for the other people in the room is:

When you are leading a conversation where you need to give difficult feedback — feedback that will affect how the person feels about themselves, their work, or their standing — the most accurate description of how present you are to the person's emotional experience during the conversation is:

When you think about the team members whose emotional experience you have the least accurate read on — whose actual state in meetings is most different from what you perceive — the most honest account of why is:

When you think about the feedback you have received about your emotional impact — how your state affects the people around you, how your reactions land, where you have a blind spot about how you come across — the most honest version of how you have acted on it is:

The most honest description of the gap between your current emotional intelligence and the emotional intelligence of the leaders you most admire is:

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